This post originally appeared in an older, abandoned blog of mine on January 19, 2006. I thought it was worth reposting here.
My little girl is an expert compliment-giver. And although we often joke about the way she seems to suck up to people
(after Shayla issues a compliment, Peter’s been known to say, “Did anyone else hear that giant sucking sound?”)…she’s really very genuine about it.
Last weekend we went on an excursion to the mall. I hate malls, but I endure them occasionally when Shayla decides she needs to make a pilgrimage to Build-a-Bear Workshop to spend her Christmas money. And my daughter, ever the charmer, was striking up conversations all over the place. “I like your braids!” she said to a beautiful brown-skinned woman with plaited black hair.
The woman smiled. “Thank you!” she said. (It was a conversation spoken in exclamations.) “I’ve been meaning to get them done again, and make them smaller.”
“Oh, well, I think they’re perfect,” said Shayla. “Did you do them yourself?”
“No,” said the woman, “I go to my beauty shop, because I’m all thumbs with doing hair.”
“Well, so…it works! Your beauty shop makes you beautiful.”
“Thank you! Aren’t you the sweetest!”
And on it went, throughout the afternoon. The first woman had lovely braids. Another man had fabulous shoes. The guy at Comp USA was wearing a really cool shirt. And every time Shayla handed out a compliment, she made people smile, maybe because they knew somehow that the sentiment came from a sincere heart.
I have to stand in awe of Shayla’s special gift. I’m sure I had the same gift once, myself–the ability to notice the positive things about people before drawing any other conclusions. I wish I had the instinctive ability to see “beautiful braids” before seeing “black woman,” or “fabulous shoes” before “dorky salesperson.”
I could learn a lot from this 8-year-old.
In fact, I’ve learned a lot from Ian, too. I can’t recall exactly how old he was when he first saw Men in Black on cable, but he must’ve been pretty young–maybe 4 or 5. He’d decided that he wanted to be a Man in Black for trick-or-treat that year, so I went to Goodwill and found the pieces to make a great outfit: black suit, white shirt, tie, and shades. As we went out for trick-or-treat, I asked Ian which one of the Men in Black he was. I fully expected him to say he was “the black guy;” after all, Will Smith’s character was the cool one. You know what Ian said instead?
“I’m the one with the mustache, Momma!”
The one with the mustache. When he said it, I was overwhelmed with pride. Despite growing up around a great-grandmother who had no problem with reciting a nursery rhyme that went, “Eeny meeny miney mo…catch a nigger by the toe…”, somehow I managed to instill a positive attitude toward people’s differences in my children. My mother is less prejudiced than my grandmother, and I’m less prejudiced than my mother, and hopefully, somehow, my kids won’t be prejudiced at all. It’s something I’ve worked hard at, because my heart knows what’s right even when my baser instincts cause me to fall back on early training and I become one who separates people into categories–black/white, thin/fat, tall/short, pretty/plain.
People are people; I’ve always taught my children that, and I strive to put that principle to work in my own life. I try to recognize beautiful braids, not race; cool shoes, not a loser in a dead-end job. I’m getting better at it, but when I forget, these amazing kids I’m raising are right there to remind me.
Stumble It!
What an inspiring post!
But you know, those inspiring children have an inspiring mother
After all, it’s your lessons that have safeguarded their pure little minds from being prejudiced and negative.
Your story definetely brightened my evening! n____n
If there were more people like you and your children, the world would be a better place!
Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts! Children really do become what they see in their parents. I’m certainly a long way from perfect, but I think if parents consciously try to set a positive example that will go a long way toward improving our tolerance of others generation by generation.